“Your son looks exactly like your husband!”


Recently, I read an article and the female writer was asking people to stop saying her child looked nothing like her. The headline of the article grabbed my immediate attention because people have said to me more times than I can count, “Your son looks exactly like your husband!” Once, I posted a photo of my son on Instagram and my friend jokingly responded, “Did you even contribute any genes to this kid?”

Now, they’re not wrong. I take selfies with my son and when I look at what was captured, they’re right. He doesn’t look much like me. He does, in fact, look like his dad, but here’s the thing: the comments don’t bother me at all! Turns out, I think my husband is good-looking. That’s probably at least part of the reason I started dating him in the first place. If my son looks like him- great! That means he’s cute. Let’s even take it a step further and hope he ends up having his father’s feet and eyesight. I have the feet of a life-long pointe ballet dancer (and I’ve never taken pointe) and my eyesight is so bad that if I drop my glasses, I can’t find them.

What I hear a lot…

I suppose to try and comfort me, people like to point out the long-believed theory that babies have always looked like their dads when born because while maternity is obvious, it’s possible the father could not be the father (cue your best Maury Povich impression) and if the baby doesn’t look like the dad, he may not care for it. However, this theory’s been looked into recently and has its disbelievers.

What’s okay for me, isn’t for everyone…

I know my son doesn’t really look like me… and that’s okay. However, I can totally understand why the mother of a biracial child would not be okay with the type of comments I hear all the time. So, when speaking to a woman in that situation, best to keep your mouth closed and, if you just have to speak, limit it to telling her how cute her kid is. 

“Your son looks exactly like your husband!” Yes, I know. But you know what? He’s imaginative which he gets from his writer/television producer mama! 

I’m just not worried about who he looks like. Also, a person’s looks continue to change. My sister didn’t start looking like my father until her mid-teens… to the chagrin of my mother who’s divorced from him and hates him with the fire of a thousand suns.

To put a button on things…

So, there you go: When it comes to moms of biracial children and divorced moms, keep “Your kid looks exactly like your husband” to yourself. But when it comes to me, I don’t mind the comments. As for my son, he likely doesn’t mind them either. I mean, he’s 2 1/2. He would probably only have a strong emotion if you said something magical like “Your son looks exactly like a monster truck.”