My son is racing towards the grand old age of 1 and I have been thinking about how his arrival has shaped me.
I could write plenty about my first foray into motherhood – the worry, the peer pressure, the conflicting advice, the am I doing the right thing, the desperate state of my mental health. I didn’t realize it at the time but my textbook ‘angel’ baby helped make hard things a bit more manageable. She was an all-around easy babe and I naively assumed I had this parenting malarkey all worked out!
And then came number two. The boy entered the world at the speed of lightning and hasn’t paused for breath since. He adores his big sister but sibling love aside, I’m convinced he took one look at her and decided – everything you did, I’ll do the opposite!
Anything you can do, I can do…
She slept? I won’t. Those peaceful nursing sessions? I prefer nursing upside down, hanging from the ceiling. Zen-like dinners in the highchair? I’ll scream at the top of my lungs for every single meal. No childproofing you say? I’ll spend every waking hour crawling towards the plug with my little finger out, determined to get electrocuted.
No playpen, wanting big sis to ‘roam free?’ You’ll order one in a panic 3 hours after I start to crawl. Those relaxing daily baths before bed? Try bathing a drowning octopus. And bedtime routine – what’s that?
Which brings us back to sleep. I heard big sis slept thru from a young age. I have no idea what sleeping thru means but I’ll show you what waking thru the night looks like, every night, for 11 months and counting.
You get the idea! The past year has been one giant serving of humble pie. I thought I knew so much about parenting when all I really knew was how to parent my own daughter.
When it comes to my parenting techniques – it’s been a case of out with the old and in with the new:
Coping With the Sleep Thief
The sleep journey has been long. Mainly because I’ve been awake for the best part of a year! It’s been brutal. As my son’s virtual baby friends mastered sleep, I retreated. And spent too much time wondering ‘What am I doing wrong?’
Nothing, it appears. A sleep solution might be right for one baby – but not for your baby, your family, or your home set up. Am I wrong deciding this time round that ‘cry it out’ isn’t for us? No – because I am doing what is right for our circumstances. It feels strangely liberating to be at peace with decisions like this. And the sleep will come.
Naps no longer rule my life.
I was utterly consumed by my daughter’s nap routine. I read ALL the books and let nothing come between that girl and her crib. I thought it kept my mental health in check and created the illusion of control, at a time when I had lost a sense of who I was. I have no regrets – I did what I needed to.
In hindsight, the hurried catch-ups and declined invitations to see mom friends damaged my mental health, leaving me feeling trapped and lonely. This time, I decided to live dangerously, threw caution to the wind, and did the unthinkable – let him nap ON THE GO! It sounds like such a trivial thing – but prioritizing myself feels like a big win.
Baby-led weaning is not for me.
With my daughter, I was very nervous about BLW. With my son, I truly believed I would be super chilled out and let him eat anything in sight. Wrong! I am even more terrified about BLW! It’s just not for me, and that’s grand.
Maybe it’s down to risk appetite; we are managing a number of serious allergies and breakfast with an EpiPen by my side feels like enough to contend with!
I make no apology for time to myself.
Pandemic life + raising a baby + homeschooling a 3-year-old in a language I don’t speak (check out Communikids – they are amazing!) has forced me to ruthlessly carve out time for myself.
It’s doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Sunday morning yoga with my talented friend @yogaontheflats or a solo walk the millisecond my husband gets home. Just enough to clear my head for the next round of feeding time at the zoo.
I try to be more empathetic.
I often feel guilty that I didn’t fully relate to many of the struggles my mom friends were facing when I had my first baby. From a friend who’s managed multiple allergies with more grace than I could ever muster to the friend who’s baby point blank wouldn’t sleep. I certainly don’t profess to understand now – but I try to listen harder with a more empathetic ear.
In 2020, my children have taught me to be present, when it has felt hopeless to look ahead. They have helped me realize that I am more capable and resilient than I ever thought. And I’m convinced that my son will be a super chilled toddler to make up for the past 12 months of carnage. Watch this space!
