Special Needs Siblings: Your Typical Child Will Be Special Too

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I prayed for a little sister for my first 11 years of life and just before my 12th birthday, she finally arrived. Shortly after birth, Caroline started having seizures and stopped breathing several times, marking the beginning of a life with chronic and complex health challenges. Caroline was nothing like the sister I imagined, but ultimately, so much more than I could have hoped for and an endless source of joy to me and everyone she meets. Being a special needs sibling is one of my proudest titles.

If you are a parent to a child with special needs, you may worry about the effect it will have on your other children. Certainly, there are negative aspects of being a special needs sibling. There is grief for the sibling relationship we imagined, anxiety over the regular medical crises, resentment for our parent’s attention, and guilt for being the healthy sibling, just to name a few. There’s plenty of information out there about these aspects and they are important to address. But this post is on the positive aspects, which, I’m convinced, far outweigh the negative. I hope that my perspective encourages you that being a special needs sibling will make your typical child wise beyond her years and will make her life so much richer. Below are just a few of the qualities special-needs siblings are fortunate to have.

Compassion 

Growing up with a special needs sibling will give your child compassion for others who are different. Maybe your child will be the one to sit next to a classmate who nobody else wants to sit with, because she’s hoping someone will do the same for her sibling. Or maybe your child will go out of his way to open the door for someone in a wheelchair, because he’s hoping someone will offer the same kindness to his sibling. Being a special needs sibling makes you hyper-aware of the people around you who could use a hand (and this makes the world a better place!).

Patience 

Patience is a virtue that is often lacking in today’s fast-paced world. For special needs children, progress is often a marathon and not a sprint. Your child will support his sibling along the way and will feel overjoyed with every newly acquired skill his sibling gains, however small and however long it takes to master. When your child encounters people in the world who take a little longer than usual to complete an everyday task, your child won’t lose her patience because she will know how hard they are trying.

Inspiration 

Having a special needs sibling will inspire your other child to do great things. In some cases, it may motivate her to work harder to excel in the opportunities her sibling doesn’t have. Or perhaps it will motivate him to make the world a better place for people with special needs. My experiences with my sister have certainly influenced my career path. I will always work in a role that in some way helps make life better for people with special needs. I would feel unfulfilled doing anything else.

Perspective

Being a special needs sibling will give your child an early perspective about what really matters in life. It teaches you not to sweat the small stuff. All that my sister really cares about is spending time with the people that she loves. She doesn’t care about material things and she doesn’t complain about her body (I try to remember this when I catch myself complaining about mine). She has taught me what’s really important in life: Love, health, family, friendship, and the time to enjoy them. Parking tickets, failed math tests, rejection letters – nobody likes them. However, your child will understand from a young age that in the grand scheme of life, these things matter very little. 

These are just a few of the ways that your typical child will be a better person thanks to her relationship with her special-needs sibling. And just in case I haven ‘t convinced you already, here are a few examples to demonstrate the awesome bond between special needs children and their siblings:

If you are a parent or sibling of a person with special needs, we would love to hear about your experience in the comments below!

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