5 Things We Can Say to Empower Our Littles Every Day

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Does it feel like you’re talking to your little ones all.day.long every day? Well, that’s because you actually are! Statistically, we say about 2,100 words every hour to our young children. Every hour, guys. That’s a whole lot of talkin’. The silver lining is that research proves it definitely pays off. Countless studies show children who are talked with and read to throughout their young years have the greatest chance of success in every area of life. Pretty powerful, right? Well, while we’re busy doing all that talking, how about saying these empowering lines below!

5 Things to Empower Our Littles Every Day:

1. “Wow, you worked hard on ___.”

The picture he painted. The balls she threw into the basket. The plate he cleared from the table. The puzzle she completed. When you see your child working hard at something, take the time to notice the effort. We want to comment on the effort of the process, not the end product, as often as possible because whatever we notice, we’ll see more of. If we comment on how “smart” or “talented” a child is, that’s not something our child can change or affect. If we notice our child is focused, attentive to detail, responsible, and respectful, we’ll happily see more of those efforts shine through in every area of development. 

2. “Thanks for your help with ___.”

Expressing thanks and cultivating an attitude of gratitude in our homes starts with us parents. If we thank children every time they help us, it’s natural for them to begin thanking others. It’s contagious in the best possible way. Keeping our thanks detailed is important – try to always name what you’re feeling thankful for. Try to find gratitude for small moments of connection with your child like, “I’m so thankful we’re on this walk together” and “Thank you for helping me make dinner, it’s so much more fun to cook when you are with me.” And while you’re at it, you may enjoy reflecting each evening on something you felt especially grateful for that day – it’s really amazing to hear the tiny details our littles remember about their day once they’re in the habit of expressing gratitude.

3. “You made a really responsible/respectful choice when ___.”

Children need to be reminded every single day that our lives are full of choices. We are all constantly making choices and each one has natural consequences. Pointing that out to children is important to help them learn from and reflect on the choices they make – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Using descriptive adjectives to label your child’s choices is ideal; additionally, we never, ever want to label a child as good or bad. If you’re in the habit of saying “good girl” or “good boy”  – try to catch yourself and replace that phrase with a comment on your child’s choice. There is literally no such thing as a bad child – they just do not exist. There are certainly poor choices – but those are just opportunities to learn and make better choices next time. Reminding children there’s “always next time” and “let’s learn from this choice” is helpful and empowering. Research shows that labeling a child as good or bad has devastating effects. Always keep your feedback based on choices – we’re all so much more than the choices we make and tomorrow is always a new day. 

4. “You must feel so proud of yourself!”

When our littles show us something they feel proud of, we can help build their sense of independence and confidence by remarking how proud they must feel of themselves. We want our littles to feel intrinsic pride, not seek out the approval of others. While it’s great to let our kids know we’re pleased for them when they feel proud, it’s more empowering to tweak the phrase “I’m proud of you” into “I’m proud for you”. Focus on the pride they must feel of themselves. Once we help our children own their pride, their self-esteem will soar and they will feel empowered to continue making choices that make them proud of themselves.

5. “I love watching you ___.”

Play basketball. Twirl in circles. Help your sister. Walk the dog. Sing songs to yourself. Whatever your children are doing, let them know how much you love watching them do it and how you adore spending time with them. The more children hear that we enjoy being with them when they’re little, the more they’ll want to spend time with us when they’re older. “I’m so lucky to be your mom!” comes out of my mouth every day – and it always puts huge grins on my sons’ faces. Plant the seeds now for those teen years when adolescents inevitably pull away from parents. That way, when you comment on how much you love watching them have a dance party with friends, it will remind them of all the times you’ve shared similar sentiments since they were little and maybe, just maybe, they’ll let you join in on the fun. 

 

3 COMMENTS

  1. Love these! I always need better words stored in the back of my brain to spew off while I am doing a million things and supposed to also be looking at yet another Lego creation!

  2. I absolutely love reading this post. I’ve tried many of these and they definitely work. I also am guilty of relapsing and notice negative behaviors almost immediately. Thank you for reminding me of an easy way to connect and better my relationships with my kids.

  3. As the mom of teens I can definitely relate to the last point. Just this weekend one boy chose to have special time with his dad while our other boy invited me to go on a walk with him at Brookside Gardens and then out to lunch. They are 15 and 17. Definitely feel lucky they choose to spend time with their parents!! And, of course, during those one-on-one times we learn more. I learned my older son was having trouble sleeping. His mind was racing with negative thoughts. I was able to share some of the ways I manage the nighttime negatives. He’s trying them out this week, of course with some teen-appropriate adaptations. Where I listen to an audio book, he’s found a relaxing youtube video !

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